Following total atomic annihilation
It may fall to you to save the great nation
That’s why Vault-Tec have made extra preparation
And are proud to present you a special education
Regarding aptitude
You are an absolutely
Unique amalgamation of attributes
Now it’s time to find out in which you excel
What makes you S.P.E.C.I.A.L.
You’re special! (3x)
Oh so special!
Spells out that you’re quite swell!
Strength!
Supplies are sparse
So on seeing something sweet
Be sure to scavenge, or starve
The stronger you aren’t, the smaller the stack
Of scrap, storage and snacks
That you can haul on your back
But do be sure to stay on track of the numbers
Or a savage could suddenly strike as you’re over-encumbered
And should your special self have such a regrettable incident
You’d better get swinging any suitable weapon or implement
Perception!
Post-nuclear places
Are pretty prearranged
To put you through your paces
Pinpoint the parts of predators that plan to prey
With the Vault-Tec Assisted Targeting System
Hooray!
You may need to pickpocket
Pinching for your own protection
Practicing your pilfering
Purloining to perfection
If your preferential predilection’s
Petty theft of peoples' possessions
You’ll be protected by perception
Endurance!
Epidemics are endemic everywhere
Infection, amputation, radiation, never rare
End the negative effects, refresh your energy
By eating everything
Even extra limbs and enemies
Your belly’s not ever empty
There’s endless entrées
Extend the length of time you exercise
Eons, days
Escape encounters with louts and rowdy hooligans
Or environments ensure you’ll eventually be food again
Charisma!
Communists conquered this clean continent
And concomitantly, corruption was the consequence
As such, you must be confident
And cognizant of compliments
Confirming that commercially you’re consummately competent
Convert companions to confidantes
Convincing them to change a cuddly toy
For cutlery and condiments
Swallow down countless cups of cocktails
And charm your way from harm, chum
Combat curtailed
Intelligence!
Is idiocy inverted
Innate instinct
Take information and interpret it
The inner intuition and initiative
To impliment inventive ideas
To be inquisitive
It is indicative of ingrained imagination
To take an inspiration and create an innovation
Insure against injury through investigation
Because ignorance induces incapacitation
Agility!
After all the aggro
Antagonists are all too available
There’s no ASBOs
Accelerate your acts of accurate aim
And have any angry adversaries aptly aflame
Avoid adverse assaults from automatics
Avert or annul their action with acrobatics
Agility!
Amazing adaptability
Awesome!
What an absolutely ace ability
Luck!
The lady
That lowers the likelihood of life’s lotto’s loss for the lazy
When you’re larking with lice
That are larger than life
At least you’ll have the lethal last laugh and the like
The lie of the land’s less than lavish and lovely
But when looking for loot you’ll locate lots of luxury
Loads of little lowlifes leering at your luggage?
A lone laddy’s liable to let them learn what luck is
Congratulations, you’ve passed the test
Yes!
From everyone at Vault-Tec
Splendid work on your success
Give yourself a pat on the back
And maybe shake hands
Then perambulate into the haze of the wasteland
War
War never changes
Look at the history book’s torn up pages
Cause when the dust settles after all out war
You’ll be glad we taught you what to deal with fallout for